"Love doesn't always die with a loud bang, but rather, maybe even more sadly, with a whimper."
A recent comment to my last post asked for a comment on the above statement. And, since I've never been asked to comment directly, I felt compelled..well flattered actually, that someone was actually engaged enough to ask.
So here's my take on it. Love doesn't die...period. Hope dies. Faith dies. Expectation dies. Desire dies. Grandma dies. The dog dies. Love, nope....not possible. Now, before you all comment to the contrary, hear me out. And trust me, I'm not an 18-year old quivering virgin. I actually haven't quivered in years. Tremors maybe. Quivers no.
Remember the adage, "God is Love?" If you believe in a higher being, a spiritual guide, a universal oneness, then you must come to the conclusion that love doesn't die. How could it? It would bring the destruction of entire religions, philosophies and cultures. There would be no more really good love stories. Hollywood would crumble. Most of us would just pack it in right now. In my own life, I can honestly say that I still love everyone that I ever started out loving. Maybe I'm just lucky. Or is it something else?
I believe I've chosen to love for all the right reasons, and this goes for friends as well as lovers. What are the right reasons? Well, to begin with, those chemical ones that no one can explain. Then layer on all the beautiful quirkiness that make each person we meet so special. Include generous portions of want, not need. Add a dash of tolerance, remove too much expectation and you have a pretty good recipe to start.
People will disappoint you. It's inevitable. Why? Because they can. We all have our list of basic human needs, unfortunately, they are rarely the same for any two people. In fact, they are never really the same at all. It's a function of testosterone and estrogen. They don't chemically exist well together without some hormonal imbalance. Just remember the commonalities that bring us together must simply remain stronger that the differences we might allow to tear us apart.
I know a girl that lives for attention. She has to be the prettiest, the smartest, the most everything. Even when she's wrong, she's right. She needs to live every day in Perfectville. Even the idea of one single flaw or deviation from the perfect train can bring her to complete and utter dysfunction. Her boyfriend is a drug addict. Why? Because no one should ever take on the task of being everything to another person. It's too much pressure. So, he's chosen to disappear in the only way he could figure out; self-medication. This philosophy holds true of friendships as well.
People will let you down. It doesn't mean they don't care. It just means that they're not wearing your matching "LOVE" t-shirt today. Don't judge them. Love them for who they are with all their glorious flaws and everything that makes them truly unique...and I suspect they'll do the same for you. What you put out there is what you get back...so just put it out there.
I've never understood why people are so afraid of that concept. Say what's actually on your mind. Tell someone you love them. Or you're mad at them. Or you love their hair. Buy a friend a gift. Take a friend to lunch. Do a silly dance in the middle of your office. Break into song. (Just stop picking your nose in your car at the stoplight. As much as it doesn't seem so, the windows are actually transparent. I can see you and that's just gross.)
Stop worrying about reciprocation or how it will be accepted. Live, just live large, great and a memorable life. That is what everyone will be talking about after you're gone...from the room or from the planet.
How absurd it would be for us to believe that people should do what we want them to, behave how we want them to, say what we want them to in any particular situation. Do any of us do exactly what everyone in our life asks of us at any given moment or in any given situation? Nope...and don't kid yourself by saying you do. Because you don't. No one does. Not even my dog does that and he loves me unconditionally.
But more importantly, I don't want him to. I want him to poop on the carpet every now and then. Or chew up a shoe. Or bark at two in the morning. Why? Because if love was really that predictable and controlled, I don't imagine it would be all that much fun.
A recent comment to my last post asked for a comment on the above statement. And, since I've never been asked to comment directly, I felt compelled..well flattered actually, that someone was actually engaged enough to ask.
So here's my take on it. Love doesn't die...period. Hope dies. Faith dies. Expectation dies. Desire dies. Grandma dies. The dog dies. Love, nope....not possible. Now, before you all comment to the contrary, hear me out. And trust me, I'm not an 18-year old quivering virgin. I actually haven't quivered in years. Tremors maybe. Quivers no.
Remember the adage, "God is Love?" If you believe in a higher being, a spiritual guide, a universal oneness, then you must come to the conclusion that love doesn't die. How could it? It would bring the destruction of entire religions, philosophies and cultures. There would be no more really good love stories. Hollywood would crumble. Most of us would just pack it in right now. In my own life, I can honestly say that I still love everyone that I ever started out loving. Maybe I'm just lucky. Or is it something else?
I believe I've chosen to love for all the right reasons, and this goes for friends as well as lovers. What are the right reasons? Well, to begin with, those chemical ones that no one can explain. Then layer on all the beautiful quirkiness that make each person we meet so special. Include generous portions of want, not need. Add a dash of tolerance, remove too much expectation and you have a pretty good recipe to start.
People will disappoint you. It's inevitable. Why? Because they can. We all have our list of basic human needs, unfortunately, they are rarely the same for any two people. In fact, they are never really the same at all. It's a function of testosterone and estrogen. They don't chemically exist well together without some hormonal imbalance. Just remember the commonalities that bring us together must simply remain stronger that the differences we might allow to tear us apart.
I know a girl that lives for attention. She has to be the prettiest, the smartest, the most everything. Even when she's wrong, she's right. She needs to live every day in Perfectville. Even the idea of one single flaw or deviation from the perfect train can bring her to complete and utter dysfunction. Her boyfriend is a drug addict. Why? Because no one should ever take on the task of being everything to another person. It's too much pressure. So, he's chosen to disappear in the only way he could figure out; self-medication. This philosophy holds true of friendships as well.
People will let you down. It doesn't mean they don't care. It just means that they're not wearing your matching "LOVE" t-shirt today. Don't judge them. Love them for who they are with all their glorious flaws and everything that makes them truly unique...and I suspect they'll do the same for you. What you put out there is what you get back...so just put it out there.
I've never understood why people are so afraid of that concept. Say what's actually on your mind. Tell someone you love them. Or you're mad at them. Or you love their hair. Buy a friend a gift. Take a friend to lunch. Do a silly dance in the middle of your office. Break into song. (Just stop picking your nose in your car at the stoplight. As much as it doesn't seem so, the windows are actually transparent. I can see you and that's just gross.)
Stop worrying about reciprocation or how it will be accepted. Live, just live large, great and a memorable life. That is what everyone will be talking about after you're gone...from the room or from the planet.
How absurd it would be for us to believe that people should do what we want them to, behave how we want them to, say what we want them to in any particular situation. Do any of us do exactly what everyone in our life asks of us at any given moment or in any given situation? Nope...and don't kid yourself by saying you do. Because you don't. No one does. Not even my dog does that and he loves me unconditionally.
But more importantly, I don't want him to. I want him to poop on the carpet every now and then. Or chew up a shoe. Or bark at two in the morning. Why? Because if love was really that predictable and controlled, I don't imagine it would be all that much fun.
Posts
