There was a time when a person spoke to you and they looked you straight in the eye. That one look would tell you everything. You would know if they were telling you the truth. You could see if they were happy, sad, preoccupied, nervous, or tired. Sometimes, you just wanted to see if they were stoned again and didn't include you. Whatever the reason, you were both present and in the moment.
Today, our communication devices are diverting our eyesight and attention away from each other and onto our tiny little digital displays. And while we're busy looking down, we could get hit by a bus. Or trip over a bag of money. Or miss the simple eye contact it takes to initiate an exciting new romance or what could turn into a life-long friendship. With the advent of modern communication technology, have we lost the ability to truly communicate?
I was walking out of the bank today when I heard a hearty hello coming from beside me. Politely, I turned to respond. Didn't I feel like a dipstick when I noticed the Bluetooth earpiece? We've all done it. We go to respond to someone we think is talking to us and then we feel bad or embarrassed when we realize they are not. We actually take the time to feel bad or embarrassed for trying to be polite and friendly to some shmuck that's polluting the air with his mindless drabble and unwillingly including us. What's wrong with this picture? I think these are the guys that should lose an ear or two to Mike Tyson.
Later at the gym, I listened to another guy's entire conversation on the treadmill. He was going on about his girlfriend and how she doesn't understand him (he seemed extremely complex) and how they can't communicate. He went on to say he was fed up with her and when he hung up he was going to text her and break up with her. Since he decided that is was fine to share this information with everyone around him including me, I felt it was an invitation to participate in the conversation. And being somewhat of an armchair psychologist, I felt compelled to help him with his problem.
I told him that you don't break up with anyone using text messages, singing telegrams, post-its, emails, cell phone calls or skywriting. You don't bake a cake with "so long chump" in the icing. You don't ask a friend to tell her. You don't ignore her phone calls. You don't tape a note to her door. You don't send Shannon Doherty. You simply say the words, directly to her face in simple and loving language she will understand. And then you can run.
Lately, I've gone to lunch and dinner with friends that have one eye on me and one eye on their cell phone. They'll get text messages. Smile, laugh and giggle and reply. Has anyone ever gone out on a bad date that eyes every piece of human flesh that walks by the table? Doesn't this amount to the same thing? If you find your cell phone more engaging company than the person you're with, perhaps you should be dating it. You already know how to push its buttons. And, phones with vibrate mode can be especially pleasing. You can even take sexy pictures of yourself with your phone. I'm sure you'll both be very happy.
And then there's text messages. I've been in group situations where people are texting each other and carrying on an entire conversation about someone else they don't like that's sitting right in front of them. Years ago, this would simply be whispering and it was impolite and if your mother raised you right, you didn't do it. When did we become so afraid to say what's on our mind out loud and with conviction?
As we become more engaged with technology and increasingly disengaged from our humanity, we have much to lose. We lose the ability to really listen. We lose the ability to read people and really understand them. We lose the art of conversation and persuasion. Our friends simply become contacts and address book entries. Due to the constraints of texting, we ourselves begin to abbreviate our real feelings. We are at risk of becoming more introverted and unable to say what really want to say right up front and face to face where it really counts.
I challenge us all to turn off our cell phones at lunch, dinner, the gym, the movies and any other social gathering. I challenge us to turn them off on Sundays and spend time connecting with the people you really care about face to face. The more time you spend away from your cell phone, the more you will discover, that like TV, you don't really need it all that much anyway. Besides, how many text messages a day do you really need with that profound and engaging opening line,"Wassup?"
Today, our communication devices are diverting our eyesight and attention away from each other and onto our tiny little digital displays. And while we're busy looking down, we could get hit by a bus. Or trip over a bag of money. Or miss the simple eye contact it takes to initiate an exciting new romance or what could turn into a life-long friendship. With the advent of modern communication technology, have we lost the ability to truly communicate?
I was walking out of the bank today when I heard a hearty hello coming from beside me. Politely, I turned to respond. Didn't I feel like a dipstick when I noticed the Bluetooth earpiece? We've all done it. We go to respond to someone we think is talking to us and then we feel bad or embarrassed when we realize they are not. We actually take the time to feel bad or embarrassed for trying to be polite and friendly to some shmuck that's polluting the air with his mindless drabble and unwillingly including us. What's wrong with this picture? I think these are the guys that should lose an ear or two to Mike Tyson.
Later at the gym, I listened to another guy's entire conversation on the treadmill. He was going on about his girlfriend and how she doesn't understand him (he seemed extremely complex) and how they can't communicate. He went on to say he was fed up with her and when he hung up he was going to text her and break up with her. Since he decided that is was fine to share this information with everyone around him including me, I felt it was an invitation to participate in the conversation. And being somewhat of an armchair psychologist, I felt compelled to help him with his problem.
I told him that you don't break up with anyone using text messages, singing telegrams, post-its, emails, cell phone calls or skywriting. You don't bake a cake with "so long chump" in the icing. You don't ask a friend to tell her. You don't ignore her phone calls. You don't tape a note to her door. You don't send Shannon Doherty. You simply say the words, directly to her face in simple and loving language she will understand. And then you can run.
Lately, I've gone to lunch and dinner with friends that have one eye on me and one eye on their cell phone. They'll get text messages. Smile, laugh and giggle and reply. Has anyone ever gone out on a bad date that eyes every piece of human flesh that walks by the table? Doesn't this amount to the same thing? If you find your cell phone more engaging company than the person you're with, perhaps you should be dating it. You already know how to push its buttons. And, phones with vibrate mode can be especially pleasing. You can even take sexy pictures of yourself with your phone. I'm sure you'll both be very happy.
And then there's text messages. I've been in group situations where people are texting each other and carrying on an entire conversation about someone else they don't like that's sitting right in front of them. Years ago, this would simply be whispering and it was impolite and if your mother raised you right, you didn't do it. When did we become so afraid to say what's on our mind out loud and with conviction?
As we become more engaged with technology and increasingly disengaged from our humanity, we have much to lose. We lose the ability to really listen. We lose the ability to read people and really understand them. We lose the art of conversation and persuasion. Our friends simply become contacts and address book entries. Due to the constraints of texting, we ourselves begin to abbreviate our real feelings. We are at risk of becoming more introverted and unable to say what really want to say right up front and face to face where it really counts.
I challenge us all to turn off our cell phones at lunch, dinner, the gym, the movies and any other social gathering. I challenge us to turn them off on Sundays and spend time connecting with the people you really care about face to face. The more time you spend away from your cell phone, the more you will discover, that like TV, you don't really need it all that much anyway. Besides, how many text messages a day do you really need with that profound and engaging opening line,"Wassup?"
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10 comments:
Like TiVO, i don't know what i did before i had a cell phone- yet somehow i managed to get through more than two decades without either of them. and as much as a convenience as cell phones are, i hate what they have turned us into-lazy, insensitive chicken-shits. whoever heard of breaking up with someone over a TEXT?! (ahem, Britney...) I was anti-text for a while b/c seriously, how hard is it to call me and ask what time the movie starts? but as i got into it, i realized it was quite handy- especially in times when actual conversation was necessary yet inappropriate (hiding in a closet while stalking an ex, public bathrooms etc.) but i agree that we have taken it to whole new and unnecessary levels! and the worse thing is- it cost 10 cents for every "K", Wassup, Dunno, and It's Over, when we could have said the same thing for free and probably avoided running over that traffic cone in the process...
I am a self-proclaimed pacifist, but I wanted to shove the girl on my bus last night's phone down her throat after 20 minutes of loud animated cell phone conversation. Arghh..
I bought one a year ago, and it's a pay as you go, and I use it only in emergencies.
Great post, I so agree.
Not everyone is so tied to all the gadgets and keeping in touch. Last week, on my birthday, my daughter called on my cell to wish me "happy birthday" and to let the grandkids "talk" to me. We were on I-40 heading to Little Rock and I pulled over so I could talk and pay attention rather than split my attention between the phone and my driving. That was the only call I've had on the cell all week until my wife called today trying to find me.
On that same day, last week, we were in a quilting store where it seemed like all of the other customers and the workers knew each other. One of the ladies there was absolutely giddy. She now had her very first CELL PHONE.
You should not feel like a dipstick for not noticing that bluetooth earpiece. In my opinion, everyone who wears those in public looks like dipsticks, and when they're talking to thin air they sound like dipsticks.
Loved the story, how right you are about some folks and their cellulars. It is amazing how a cell has become as indispensable as toothbrush. The thing that bothers me more about cells than anything else is they need to be using it and driving. I have a cell but wait to make my call or answer if I am driving.
Stopping by way of Dr John, you are his link for the day.
This is so true! One day I had stopped at a restroom on the highway and as I sat down to do my business, the girl in the stall beside me said, "Hello, How are you today?"
I responded and she soon said, "Hold on for a second, Dr. John.. I have some nut in the stall next to me that thinks I'm talking to her!"
Times are sure changing!
(he seemed extremely complex) ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Your funny rofl.
hey youl writing is quite fascinating
keep it up
Love the post. Oh, the bluetooth thing is entirely too ridiculous and Spock-like. Perhaps in ironic karmic payback fashion the bluetooth technology will make their ears grow all pointy.
a nice post...actually your style is humorous and is a fun read
I was worried for a second that you were more of a romanticist than a realist. Then I read these words: And then you can run. After that, I knew you lived in the real world.
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