Forever, again.

I recently had the opportunity to spend an extended period of time with my fairly new brother-in-law. After the initial greetings, he began to go on and on about finally meeting his soulmate and how he couldn't live without her. (Which by the way he had to do while she was finishing up her prison sentence. But that's for another blog.) He was expounding on the endless depth of his undying love for my sister. Apparently they complete each other, which is entirely possible since they are both half-wits. I watched as tears welled up in his eyes as he finished his praises to the woman of his dreams. He talked about his wedding vows and how "I do" meant forever (for the third time). When he finished, I didn't know whether to throw rose petals or throw up. Precisely three weeks later they had a minor argument and he moved out. Which made me wonder; just how many forevers do we get?

Have you ever had a friend or family member that suddenly and out of nowhere makes the grand and totally unexpected "I'm getting married announcement?" Not that marriage is unexpected for many people, but you know what I'm talking about. It's your friend that's marrying the alcoholic cross dresser. Or the one that's marrying the guy that slaps her around because he loves her. It's the girl that's so controlling she keeps her boyfriends testicles in her change purse and only allows him access to one at a time to procreate. Or it's that guy that goes out with the group and completely ignores his girlfriend all evening, gets drunk, vomits and then hits on her friends right in front of her while she's busy tongue kissing the bartender. Or maybe it's the two that bicker constantly on every point until all you want to do is dig your eardrums out with a spoon and feed them to your dog.

For a second, you stare in disbelief. All the blood rushes from your head. Then you quickly shake it off before she notices. The words "to who?" form on your lips, but you quickly turn it into a huge woof, woof while pumping your fist in the air. Then you jump up and down and tell her how excited you are for her. This gives you time to get the oxygen back to your brain. I remember once falling out of a tree backwards as a kid. I was up about 20 feet or so. It's the strangest feeling. You're completely helpless, wondering if you're going to survive and how much pain you're going to endure on the way down. Well, it's kind of like that. Because as a friend, there is going to be pain and lots of it. And tears. And yelling. And break-ups. And you are going to be that support system that tells her over and over again the same thing you did before they tied the knot and slipped it over each other's neck.

Now, I've been prone to precognition in my life. But you don't have to be on the Psychic Friends Network to figure out this coupling would be the worst idea since Liza Minelli and that scary gay guy she married and then beat around during alcoholic tirades. Though I do admit I wish reality TV would have got a hold of that one. I'd still be watching the reruns. In fact, I'd like to see Liza in a cage match. She looks like a pretty tough scrapper to me.

My question then becomes, as the innocent-bystanding, morbidly-curious and concerned audience, what do we do? Buy tickets, popcorn and watch the show? Try and help with kind advice that will usually end up with us getting axed from the wedding guest list? I've always felt that an open-handed slap to the mouth works best. If it was good enough for our parents, then by gosh it's good enough for us. But who's responsibility is it? I don't like being a bubble burster. But I do have an endless supply of pins.

Perhaps it's just an inevitable part of life. Because when it comes to stating the obvious, no one gets it when it has to do with them. So let's just sit back and endure forever...again.